June is upon us; know what that means? The 56th Annual Mosquito Harvest will soon be here!!! Every year my town holds a festival in honor of those bloodsucking insects, with contests/games like: Watermelon Punching, Rock Throwing, Apple Squeezing, Spin The Elderly, Quarter Mile Toddler Races, Cantaloupe Punching, Child Bearing, (Winner has the most children in the least amount of time) Naked Tetherball, Sandbag Punching, and Horseshoes.
"What does this have to do with harvesting mosquitoes?" you ask. Well the town founder, Julio Herglerrsburgh, was cantankerously drunk one evening when his wife threw him out of the house. Without a clue or a destination, Julio found himself at the city dump, where a golden apparition showed itself atop a barrel pile. No one knows exactly what was said during this meeting but immediately after, Julio found a shovel, a field, and a dream. Three weeks later, that field was filled with half-buried barrels of water, ready to house fledgling mosquitoes. Every anniversary of that fateful night Julio and the townspeople would all drink two quarts of whiskey, go out to the field, and kick the barrels thereby waking mosquitoes from their wintertime slumber. This continued until Julio Herglerrsburgh mysteriously died of Malaria.
From that point on, June has been dedicated to the work of Mr. Herglerrsburgh and his drunken dream, at first only celebrated by a silent vigil in the Mosquito Field. Eventually it was viewed as a joyous occasion and, with the advent of carnival rides, the silent vigil expanded from one night to a whole week of festivities. In fact there once was a ferris wheel at the top of Tall Hill people rode during the celebration, but it fell into disrepair and a bolt came loose, causing the wheel to roll downhill into the lake. Everyone involved died but no one was hurt since they were all so drunk.
There are still some rides that folks frequent but for the most part, The Mosquito Harvest has become a social gathering for the townspeople, hence all the different games and contests. What's more is the Mosquito Bite Contest which consists of standing shirtless in The Field while hordes of bugs bite you. Those who complain about, or scratch at, a bite are disqualified; because of this, Big Jeb's been bragging that he hasn't "itched a Skeeter bite in almost two decades." Hopefully that changes this year. Finally, the last night of the harvest is spent drinking until midnight, at which point breathalyzers are administered. Anyone who blows under a .20 is forced to keep drinking while those who meet that level, or exceed it, are rushed off to go streaking. Everyone runs down main street while children watch and cheer. After that families round up their members, go home, sleep, and return to normalcy.
And that, my friends, is the Mosquito Harvest. If this sounds like something you'd be into I implore you to join us June 9th-16th in Herglerrsburgh for the Harvest!
"What does this have to do with harvesting mosquitoes?" you ask. Well the town founder, Julio Herglerrsburgh, was cantankerously drunk one evening when his wife threw him out of the house. Without a clue or a destination, Julio found himself at the city dump, where a golden apparition showed itself atop a barrel pile. No one knows exactly what was said during this meeting but immediately after, Julio found a shovel, a field, and a dream. Three weeks later, that field was filled with half-buried barrels of water, ready to house fledgling mosquitoes. Every anniversary of that fateful night Julio and the townspeople would all drink two quarts of whiskey, go out to the field, and kick the barrels thereby waking mosquitoes from their wintertime slumber. This continued until Julio Herglerrsburgh mysteriously died of Malaria.
From that point on, June has been dedicated to the work of Mr. Herglerrsburgh and his drunken dream, at first only celebrated by a silent vigil in the Mosquito Field. Eventually it was viewed as a joyous occasion and, with the advent of carnival rides, the silent vigil expanded from one night to a whole week of festivities. In fact there once was a ferris wheel at the top of Tall Hill people rode during the celebration, but it fell into disrepair and a bolt came loose, causing the wheel to roll downhill into the lake. Everyone involved died but no one was hurt since they were all so drunk.
There are still some rides that folks frequent but for the most part, The Mosquito Harvest has become a social gathering for the townspeople, hence all the different games and contests. What's more is the Mosquito Bite Contest which consists of standing shirtless in The Field while hordes of bugs bite you. Those who complain about, or scratch at, a bite are disqualified; because of this, Big Jeb's been bragging that he hasn't "itched a Skeeter bite in almost two decades." Hopefully that changes this year. Finally, the last night of the harvest is spent drinking until midnight, at which point breathalyzers are administered. Anyone who blows under a .20 is forced to keep drinking while those who meet that level, or exceed it, are rushed off to go streaking. Everyone runs down main street while children watch and cheer. After that families round up their members, go home, sleep, and return to normalcy.
And that, my friends, is the Mosquito Harvest. If this sounds like something you'd be into I implore you to join us June 9th-16th in Herglerrsburgh for the Harvest!
posted by Pretty Awesome @ 11:42 AM
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