I joined a new club yesterday! Can you believe it? I can't.
On my way to work I had to fill up the Honda, and since a new gas station opened up less than a mile from my house I stopped there. Besides gas I bought a large coffee and when I paid for both the dude at the cash register said, "That's $21.67 Would you like join to our Coffee Club?"
I got choked up. I couldn't believe my ears. Was he really asking me to join their coffee club? Before I could answer I blinked my eyes a few times (to cover up the tears of joy) and cleared my throat, but suspicion crept in. Why was I being offered membership into an exclusive club such as this?
There was only one plausible explanation and it froze my guts just thinking about it.
This here clerk saw me with my long hair and boyish good looks, mistook me for a nancy and, being one himself, decided to make a pass at me. Well, I wasn't having that. I regained composure and in my deepest, most monotone voice said, "And why the hell would I want to do that?"
"You'll get a free 12 oz. cup of coffee after every sixth purchase" he said.
He knew I was on to him and we were now engaged in a verbal sparring match, but I wasn't backing down and asserted my straightness, saying, "I don't see myself buying too much coffee, but I'll join. Usually I drink gravy while eating a steak in the morning; only when I run out of gravy do I touch coffee."
"Whatever you say, sir. Enjoy your cafe au lait with the extra shot of raspberry and cream" was his response.
Through some crazy coincidence I had a stick of beef jerky in my jacket (from the last time I'd been stoned) so instead of dignifying him with a goodbye I crammed that sucker into my mouth, ate it, without breaking eye contact. It was so manly I'll put money down that John Wayne spun in his grave. After getting my point across, I turned to the door and left.
So now I'm a member of the Green Mountain Coffee Club!
After typing it all out and reliving the whole ordeal in my mind, I think I may have overreacted. It's fine though; I went back there this morning and Jules (that's his name!) offered to take me to dinner. I guess I can apologize and explain myself then. Who knows? We might even go to a Disco afterwards!!!
On my way to work I had to fill up the Honda, and since a new gas station opened up less than a mile from my house I stopped there. Besides gas I bought a large coffee and when I paid for both the dude at the cash register said, "That's $21.67 Would you like join to our Coffee Club?"
I got choked up. I couldn't believe my ears. Was he really asking me to join their coffee club? Before I could answer I blinked my eyes a few times (to cover up the tears of joy) and cleared my throat, but suspicion crept in. Why was I being offered membership into an exclusive club such as this?
There was only one plausible explanation and it froze my guts just thinking about it.
This here clerk saw me with my long hair and boyish good looks, mistook me for a nancy and, being one himself, decided to make a pass at me. Well, I wasn't having that. I regained composure and in my deepest, most monotone voice said, "And why the hell would I want to do that?"
"You'll get a free 12 oz. cup of coffee after every sixth purchase" he said.
He knew I was on to him and we were now engaged in a verbal sparring match, but I wasn't backing down and asserted my straightness, saying, "I don't see myself buying too much coffee, but I'll join. Usually I drink gravy while eating a steak in the morning; only when I run out of gravy do I touch coffee."
"Whatever you say, sir. Enjoy your cafe au lait with the extra shot of raspberry and cream" was his response.
Through some crazy coincidence I had a stick of beef jerky in my jacket (from the last time I'd been stoned) so instead of dignifying him with a goodbye I crammed that sucker into my mouth, ate it, without breaking eye contact. It was so manly I'll put money down that John Wayne spun in his grave. After getting my point across, I turned to the door and left.
So now I'm a member of the Green Mountain Coffee Club!
After typing it all out and reliving the whole ordeal in my mind, I think I may have overreacted. It's fine though; I went back there this morning and Jules (that's his name!) offered to take me to dinner. I guess I can apologize and explain myself then. Who knows? We might even go to a Disco afterwards!!!
posted by Pretty Awesome @ 12:03 PM
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