Yesterday Groff and I went to an Italian eatery while he was on a fundraising mission to save the rainforests of Mars or something. In front of the building was a pink Pontiac Grand Am that had a red, white, and green flag on the bumper. Across the windshield was plastered "Sicilian Stallion of Love," and as Groff and I were about to walk in these two guys burst out in argument. They must have been speaking some rare dialect because neither Groff nor I could understand a word of it. This is what we heard:

Guy 1: "Hey Paison!"

Guy 2: "Eh, Rigatoni!"

Guy 1: "Mozzarella primavera ravioli Chuck Mangione!"

Guy 2: "Pasta fagiole chicken caccitore bologna pepperoni!"

Guy 1: "Salami spaghetti provologne!"

Guy 2: "Fettucini???"

Guy 1: "Linguini!!! Tony Soprano parmesan al dente lasagna!"

Guy 2: "Lasagna???"

Guy 1: "LASAGNA."

Then they started fighting. Groff and I laughed because the whole thing consisted of them rolling on the ground, pulling each other's hair, and yelling out foreign phrases like, ziti and calzone. Guy 1's shirt was torn, exposing a tattoo of Italy wrapped in tribal barbed wire that had "ITALIAN 4 LIFE" written above it. Then Guy 2 cheated and poked Guy 1's eyes. I heard him utter a "Why I oughtta...." and was surprised that he was bi-lingual.
Groff found a stick nearby and started poking both of them, which he thought was hysterical. They didn't find it funny though, so they got up and approached him. Guy 1 was all like, "Meatball antipasto manicotti marinara." Guy 2 started talking trash as well, adding, "Ragu alfredo ricotta Al Pacino." Groff was dumbfounded. He just looked at the dudes and told them he didn't know any Spanish. They kept advancing on Groff so he threw the stick at them and bolted in the other direction, with me following. When we were at a safe distance Groff yelled out, "Hey idiots!" to get their attention. It worked. Groff flipped them off and shouted that they were a bunch of wusses and that he'd totally beat their asses if he wasn't so late for work.
We continued running after that because they started chasing us, but they couldn't catch up and we got away. When Groff and I arrived at his house we were pretty tired, so we napped together. And that was that.
I'd really like to know what those dudes were saying though. Groff says it was Spanish, but I don't believe him. I'm pretty sure the argument had something to do with that Pontiac because I remember Guy 1 farting on its hood when he said, "Lasagna."
Heh, lasagna probably means poop. That's pretty funny.