Earl's got himself a girlfriend now. Know what I think? She's bad news. Not only is she bad news but she's also a raging feminist. She didn't come right out and say, "Hey I'm a raging feminist" but I can tell when I spot one. She hated me from the first minute she laid eyes on me. It's not like I was out of line either; all I did was say, "Hey Raenisha, you got some killer bazongas" and I might have accidentally pinched her butt. Nothing big, ya know? Certainly nothing that would warrant calling me a "chauvinist pig!"
That accusation is completely false and absolutely ludicrous! I wasn't wearing some lame blazer or a goofy driver's cap, and there sure as hell wasn't a limousine anywhere near us, so for her to assume I was a chauvinist was pure crap. Now the second part of that slanderous label rings closer to home, because of an incident when I was in highschool. One night at a party I got a little too drunk, blacked out, and woke up in a dumpster. Does that make me a "scumbag" or a "dumpster diving dickhead?"

I didn't think so either, but the captain of the swim team told everyone to call me a pig and everyday at lunch kids would bring in homemade mud pies to throw at me. Thanks a lot Kent.
Anyways, now Raenisha's trying to break the group apart saying that she doesn't feel "comfortable" around me. Whatev. I didn't really think she had killer bazongas in the first place. I was just saying it to be nice. Even if Earl betrays us for her, it doesn't matter 'cause Groff's my true homie. I'll roll with him till the wheels fall off.
BRO'S BEFORE HO'S!