Earl's cousin does tattoos in his basement for pretty cheap prices, and for a dude with an 8th grade education, they're not that bad. I got a call from Groff last night and he told me there was going to be a "totally bitchin' ripper" at Earl's cousin's house. Now I wasn't looking for a sausage fest so I asked him if any broads would be there. He was all like, "Oh yeah dude, definitely!" Then to sweeten the deal even more he told me that he was buying a bottle of liquour to share with everybody.
Hey, free booze, hot broads, and tattoos? I'm there.
A half hour later Groff pulls up ands takes me to the party. We get downstairs and there aren't any chicks! I'm pretty sure you can imagine how ticked off I was. I pulled Groff to the side and asked him where all the fine honies were at and he told me to relax and have a few drinks. He refused on letting me make any, and vowed to be bartender for the night. Pretty cool dude, eh?
So you know, we're hanging out getting drunk and Earl's cousin decides to start tattooing us; I really had to think about what I wanted to get inked on me. That shit's forever, yo! After three or four drinks I figured out what I wanted: I've been a Saves The Day fan for about five years, have seen them in concert TWICE, bought a t-shirt, own two of their CD's, and am totally feeling this new jam they dropped. So I tell Earl's cousin that what I want on my bicep is "STD RULES!" But then I thought; don't I want to remember when I got tattooed? So I added, "Put Spring Break 2006 under it."
Earl's cousin was real stoked about the idea and said it was probably the most creative tattoo he'd done all week. I would get ink'ed right after he finished with Groff. Groff was acting kinda funny and wouldn't show us what he got; all we knew was that it was across his knuckles. As for Earl's cousin, no one told me he ate an eighth of mushrooms before we showed up. If I had known that I wouldn't have been so excited to get a tattoo. Basically what I'm saying is, although the Spring Break 2006 part came out fine, he put the second S in STD RULES at the end of the wrong word.
At this point we're all pretty hammered, with fresh tats, waiting for these chicks to show up. Finally, Groff was ready to show us what he had put on his knuckles. His right hand had the word PARTY on it and his left had HARD. He was pretty pumped about showing them to us, but then he did something weird. He pointed to his crotch and asked, "Get it?"
We didn't really "get it" until about fifteen minutes later when we discovered that Groff had crushed up boner pills and mixed them into our drinks. Imagine it! A bunch of drunk dudes hanging out in a basement, erect as the day they were born!
I was pretty frustrated at this point so I asked Earl where all the chicks were. Earl shrugged his shoulders at first but an hour later he admitted to being really nervous about talking with girls on the phone, and hadn't actually called them. This party was a total disaster.
Sure I was drunk, but I also had a messed up tattoo, and a stiffy that just wouldn't quit. I left immediately, walking home. It rained really hard and I was soaked. When I got up this morning my tattoo was one big swollen blur, and there was a message on my answering machine. Apparently, five minutes after I stormed out Groff called some chicks up to come party. They showed up and everybody there got laid.
Lame, right?
Hey, free booze, hot broads, and tattoos? I'm there.
A half hour later Groff pulls up ands takes me to the party. We get downstairs and there aren't any chicks! I'm pretty sure you can imagine how ticked off I was. I pulled Groff to the side and asked him where all the fine honies were at and he told me to relax and have a few drinks. He refused on letting me make any, and vowed to be bartender for the night. Pretty cool dude, eh?
So you know, we're hanging out getting drunk and Earl's cousin decides to start tattooing us; I really had to think about what I wanted to get inked on me. That shit's forever, yo! After three or four drinks I figured out what I wanted: I've been a Saves The Day fan for about five years, have seen them in concert TWICE, bought a t-shirt, own two of their CD's, and am totally feeling this new jam they dropped. So I tell Earl's cousin that what I want on my bicep is "STD RULES!" But then I thought; don't I want to remember when I got tattooed? So I added, "Put Spring Break 2006 under it."
Earl's cousin was real stoked about the idea and said it was probably the most creative tattoo he'd done all week. I would get ink'ed right after he finished with Groff. Groff was acting kinda funny and wouldn't show us what he got; all we knew was that it was across his knuckles. As for Earl's cousin, no one told me he ate an eighth of mushrooms before we showed up. If I had known that I wouldn't have been so excited to get a tattoo. Basically what I'm saying is, although the Spring Break 2006 part came out fine, he put the second S in STD RULES at the end of the wrong word.
At this point we're all pretty hammered, with fresh tats, waiting for these chicks to show up. Finally, Groff was ready to show us what he had put on his knuckles. His right hand had the word PARTY on it and his left had HARD. He was pretty pumped about showing them to us, but then he did something weird. He pointed to his crotch and asked, "Get it?"
We didn't really "get it" until about fifteen minutes later when we discovered that Groff had crushed up boner pills and mixed them into our drinks. Imagine it! A bunch of drunk dudes hanging out in a basement, erect as the day they were born!
I was pretty frustrated at this point so I asked Earl where all the chicks were. Earl shrugged his shoulders at first but an hour later he admitted to being really nervous about talking with girls on the phone, and hadn't actually called them. This party was a total disaster.
Sure I was drunk, but I also had a messed up tattoo, and a stiffy that just wouldn't quit. I left immediately, walking home. It rained really hard and I was soaked. When I got up this morning my tattoo was one big swollen blur, and there was a message on my answering machine. Apparently, five minutes after I stormed out Groff called some chicks up to come party. They showed up and everybody there got laid.
Lame, right?
posted by Pretty Awesome @ 12:39 PM
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