If you ask me, Kurt Russel doesn't get the respect he deserves. Last night I got naked and watched Tango And Cash, and man oh man, what a great flick! Seriously, it's jam-packed with action, humor, suspense, and there's even a boob shot! And how about that intense scene when Kurt and Sly are in prison, about to get beat up by sixteen million convicts (that they put away) and then that big English dude pops in brandishing a straight razor? I was all like, "Oh no! Kurt's a goner for sure!" But then he threw his hair back and yelled, "Alright you wanna kill me? Kill me! But if I'm gonna die, I want it to be by an American, not this slimy immigrant!"
Right there I went from the depths of Death Valley to the top of Mt. Everest; I jumped on my bed and let out an emphatic "BOOYAH!"
No movie before has ever had such a strong patriotic message displayed so openly, so clear, that hearing those words brought tears to my eyes. I took a deep breath and I tasted freedom. Then I let out another "BOOYAH!"
Let's not forget Teri Hatcher though. That scene where she walks down the runway at the strip club, followed by an industrial size fan is SMOKIN'. Is there anything hotter than a chick wearing a shiny silver get-up dancing and getting her hair blown around? I didn't think so, but then she stole some shmuck's drumsticks from the crowd and proceeded to play the most mindblowing drum solo ever. I mean, I've been to a few kick-ass concerts in my day (Burnt By The Sun, Candiria, Mastodon, Andrew W.K.) but this was amazing; it was like I could feel the beat of her heart flowing through her chest, to her arms, into her hands, until finally it exploded on the drum pad in a burst of jubilance that sang, "I am Teri Hatcher. I love life." You'd think after a scene like that the director would've decided to slow the pace a bit and let the viewer compose him/herself, but not the genius who made Tango And Cash. Just then Kurt busts in and she leads him to (OF ALL PLACES!) the dressing room. And you know what happens there? Chicks walk around TOPLESS. (Can you say booyah?)
Beads of sweat ran down my forehead and soaked my palms; if I had been wearing a shirt I would've had to run my pointer finger along the inside of the collar, just to release all the steam building up. Thankfully I was naked. However, the boobs left as quickly as they came and I couldn't help but feel a little dissapointed.
But what about the climax? Much like the rest of Tango and Cash it's nothing short of amazing. There's an SUV equipped with a cannon, lots of explosions, fist fights, guns, and Kurt Russel.
If you haven't seen this gem of a film yet I highly suggest you do. Chances are you'll only find it on VHS, so you should probably write your congressman and ask them to have it put on DVD. That and Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon.
SHO-NUFF!