Boy oh boy this Spring Break has gone wild!! Last night my bros and I went out for some brews and to hook up with random dames. We got totally blasted yo!
The first bar we went to the ladies were absolutely amazing, and every single one was giving me the eye so I just threw myself out there!! I remember Groff telling me that chicks dig dudes who can dance, which prompted me to go to the jukebox, and play "Let's Dance" by David Bowie, to show everybody I meant business. It was like my feet were on fire I was moving so fast!! There was lots of room for me to cut loose; I was really hoping some sexy mama would come my way and start bumpin and grindin with me. It never happened though. (My guess? I was the only one there with red shoes on.)
I played it twice more, and when that didn't work I chose a few other tunes before making my way back to the bar. It kinda bummed me out that no chicks were fighting over me yet, but I wasn't going to let it ruin my night. I think it's pathetic how some people get upset when they're drinking and just start tossing back more brewskis, as if it'll solve their problems. I like to refer to those people as idiots.
Back to the point, the Beer Pong tournament was about to get started and Groff was my partner. We pumped ourselves up by massaging each other's shoulders (to loosen our throwing arms) because one of our opponents was Big Jeb. Big Jeb's the bar hero and some call him the "Big Kahuna" of Beer Pong, so Groff and I had a lot of massaging ahead of us. We also whispered motivational quotes in one another's ear.
By the time the tournament started, we were ready to tear that mother down, take names, and leave in a blaze of glory. We came out strong, both nailing cups our first two turns, but unfortunately we lost since Groff's good eye kept acting up. Still, I remained positive; it wasn't too late in the night AND we hadn't been kicked off the tables. We could lose another round before that would happen and, believe me, I DIDN'T want that to happen. But it did.
Since we lost the first match, Groff and I had to pound the remaining beers. After that we drank a few more in anticipation.
(Everybody knows the drunker you get the better your aim is. It's practically science, people.) Anyways, Groff never told any of us he was still taking his meds and in the middle of our second Beer Pong match he lost consciousness. The table split in half and beer went everywhere; I'm pretty sure Groff pissed himself, but he claims it was beer. Oh well. My positivity was dwindling at this point, I was feeling low, and no chicks were crowding me, so I figured I should get totally hammered. The bartender lined up three shots of Watermelon Pucker for me. I threw those suckers back like there was no tomorrow, then I ordered a water to chase them with. After that I double-fisted some High Lifes, and Big Jeb made fun of me, calling Miller beer the "Champagne of Queers."
I tried to ignore him, but that really hurt. I slugged my brewskies (this time ordering Coors) and continued slamming until I couldn't walk straight. That's when Groff woke up and yelled out "SPRING BREAK 2006! WHOOOOOOOOOO!" It totally brought me back to where I needed to be. Earl was our DD and told us it was time to go, but before we did I tried making peace with Big Jeb. I bought a pitcher and told him I forgave his comments, and that the beer was on me. He grabbed the pitcher, poured it over my head and said, "No. Now the beer's on you." I ran out of the bar crying, and from what Earl says I threw up in his backseat. All I know is I woke up on my couch naked.
Still, it was a pretty good night.
SPRING BREAK 2006!!!