Don't ask why, but I felt the need to exercise my inner Richard Marx and delve into some Communist activities. Call it coincidence if you wish, but it just so happened that this past Sunday I was able to scratch that itch.
Now this event wasn't exactly billed as a Communist Rally, (the Reds are sneakier than that) it went instead under the guise of a concert. A concert headlined by none other than THE DECEMBERISTS.
Did you just shiver? It's OK, I did too. AND I WAS THERE. Yeah bro, no joke. Course, things started off slowly, what with the opening snoozefest that was both Loch Lomond and The Walkmen; those tricksters lulled me into a false sense of security. Then it happened.
The lights dimmed, and ominous music crept out of the PA. My fear-struck companions turned their frightened gaze toward me as if to ask, "What have you gotten us into?" I had no answer. As the music built up, grew to a head, the audience hushed in anticipation. In the darkness a woman screamed, followed by the murderous notes of an accordion, and I began to question if this was really worth the trip. A song emerged from the cacophony with Mr. Colin Meloy warning us all to "tell [our] daughters do not walk the streets alone tonight."
Sweet Jesus.
And so it was for an hour and a half, my only comfort being that my back was to the wall and that no pinko Commy bastards could sneak up behind and slit my throat. Lord knows they would've tried it too, those vagabonds, traveling without seat belts on, they live this close to death.
Well time lurched by slow as ever, I thought the rally was through, when Mr. Meloy stopped in midsong for a heathen chant worthy of a working class coup. And yes, I caught this horrific spectacle on video. Consider yourself lucky you were nowhere near the mass of Terrorist Fist Jabs that ensued.
