Dear Heather,

Though it's only been days

I feel I've known you forever

So it's fitting I ask

If you'd be willing to pass

Perhaps an hour (maybe two)

Not at the movies, nor at the zoo

But someplace pleasant

To find out more about you

And what better place

(Populated and safe)

For us to make a date

Than a temple of commerce

Where we can converse?

Without further adieu

I say to you, Heather,

LET'S GO TO WAL*MART TOGETHER.

We'll shop till we drop!

The savings won't stop!

How could you lose

When there's so much to choose?

Videos to watch, salve for your crotch; aisles of canned goods, sweatshirts with hoods; posters of pop stars, freshly wrapped Pop Tarts; supplies for school, Starter clothes (if you're cool); Wrangler Jeans sized from large to lean, video games, computerized machines; toys for your brother Tom, tampons, maxipads for mom; oodles of ramen noodles soup, guns--should there be a coup; shoes, pies,food for pets; booze, knives, cigarettes; stereos, tapes, and CD's (censored); pantyhose, grapes, and cream for dentures; turkey, bologna, ham at the deli; shampoos, soaps, deodorants, Smelly; Clorox, tinfoil, deep fried chicken; socks, motor oil, things for your kitchen; picture frames, board games, girly-girl necklaces; bras, bikinis, (support for your breastesses); movies, shows, DVD's for every collection, hours spent parusing their selection; photos, phones, food and more; holy shit Babe, what a bitchin store!
It's plain to see
How much this means to me
Please, if you will
Come along for the thrill
But hey, if not
It's cool, I guess
Looks like I'll slice up my chest
And cry salty tears
Over the girl
Who left me for dead
And decided
To shop K-Mart instead
Though, however,
I should never say never
So please, Heather,
LET'S GO TO WAL*MART TOGETHER



(I love you Heather. Always.)